Growing Pains...

First, I will answer your questions as to "why" I have made this blog invite only.  I have posted pictures in the past of some children at NLH.  We were told at that time that it was fine to take pictures.  Last week I took a group there and they asked if they could take pictures.  They told them they could as long as they did not post them on the internet.  Though I had the settings on the blog to where no one could search or google and find it, I wanted to be extra sure by making it invite only.  If you know of someone that follows and is no longer able- please have them to email me.  

Some of you might find it odd that I seem to have so much anxiety when it comes to getting our child.  I have heard time and time again- and have told myself "it is all in God's timing".  I realize that we are to be anxious in nothing.  Trust me when I say I have really been working on it and praying about my attitude in the waiting.  But I would like to try and tell those of you who might not know- a bit more about why it is  have struggled so much with this sin of anxiety.  

Do you know of anyone who has been unable to conceive or adopt?  Maybe even you yourself have struggled.  

Now, do you know anyone who it has taken years... maybe decades to have a child?  

I only really know one now.  I used to know 5.  They all now (praise the Lord), have little bundles of joy to hold, love, and train up.  The one that I know probably won't be reading this.  I can't say that I blame her.  While home, I was able to have some time just she and I to talk about what it's like to try and try to have children for over 4 years (each of us).  She said "Lindy, how do you keep it together?  you seem like you have it all together.  How do you handle being around all your friends who have kids or babies?"  Oh my friend! ...how I have had to excuse myself at baby showers and birthday parties to escape to a rest room to bawl.  Every year this month a friend of mine's child has a birthday party.  And for the previous 3 years, though I've told myself I wouldn't cry, I would find myself having to leave early because I was just too selfish and sad to stick around.  Oh what a joy it must be to have one of those little tykes running around screaming.  I have, conveniently, avoided baby showers for nearly 2 years, with the exception of my nephews'.  Baby showers seemed to be the worst for me.  I suppose you may be thinking how selfish it is of me.  True.  It is and was a terribly selfish thing and you don't know how I prayed for freedom from that.  I can remember telling one friend that when some women have come to me to tell me they are pregnant- in my head it sounded different than "I'm pregnant!"  It was "I'm pregnant and you aren't!"  And boy have I learned my lesson about saying to someone "Well, isn't it about time for you to get pregnant?" or "When are you guys going to have kids?"  Yes, I have been one of those people in the past.  Now, being on this side, let me tell you- that hurts!  More than you know.  I would like to discourage you from doing that to ANYONE even if you think you know their situation.  Just don't say it.  

So you see, I told my friend, I don't always have it together.  I do cry and I have cried.  There are few people that really know the feeling of the soul-screaming that comes from your empty arms and womb.  I surely hope that one day... as I'm holding my tiny Thompsons (all of them)- I will not forget the feeling of empty arms and how I prayed and longed for them.  May a single day not go by where I don't Thank the Lord for them and remember the journey through it all. 

For the next few posts I'd like to share more of our story with you.  Especially those of you who might not know it.  I want others to know because I believe "he will give a crown of beauty for ashes, a joyous blessing instead of mourning, festive praise instead of despair. " (Isaiah 61:3)