Honestly, I just don't even know where to start at telling you about adoption stuff. I get so overwhelmed any time I think about, blog about, or sit sit down with the paperwork. In fact, "The Folder" is tucked away in a drawer so I don't even have to look at it. I think when the time comes I might just let Chris tell you what's going on. I really think that somewhere since August 18th, I lost some of my joy. It may sound extreme, but I really think I lost some of it for a short while. You know what that means? My joy was not where it was supposed to be. It was in the Emergency Room before I knew it! My joy was not: delighting in the Lord. It was in my hopeful future children. Wrong? Absolutely. I have been reading a book called "Crazy Love" by one of my favorite pastors- Fancis Chan. Michael B recommended it long ago, so I ordered it, but stuck it in with the others on the shelf here. I finally began reading it back at the beginning of August. I put it down for a little bit when I was busy loosing some joy. The thing is, I knew I was obsessing over the paperwork, homestudy, i800 junk. I picked up Crazy Love again and have really been enjoying it. It has slapped me around a few times. It's been good for me to be forced to put the adoption stuff down for a while and focus on my first love. You know what the outcome has been? It's now in the recovery room, doing much better. I have all my joy back and I really think I'm okay if even it ends up being another year before we get to meet our children. For they are not the reason for my joy, but my savior is! I have some other things to focus my mind and time on and those things will take first and foremost focus on Him and guidance from Him. I am very excited about the things He has laid on my heart these past few weeks. I have been led to evaluate my passions and do something more with the very first one I wrote down. But you'll have to wait to hear more about it.... it could be big... really BIG. Oh how I love keeping you people in suspense. All 2 of you! :) I've hinted around on other posts, so some of you may have a slight idea what it involves. okay, okay, I'll give you another hint which has something to do with this post:
The other day I was running and listening to my ipod. I was meditating on some different aspects of this "project", wondering how this thing was going to work, and thanking Him for helping me find where my joy comes from. Then this song came on and struck me differently than before.
Who can hold the stars in my weary heart
who can see everything
I have fallen so hard
sometimes I feel so far,
but I'll be on your wings
I can climb a mountain, swim the ocean- do anything
but it's when you hold me
I start unfolding all i can say is
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Whatever is in front of me, help me to sing hallelujah
The same sun rises over castles and welcomes that day
spills over buildings to the streets where orphans play
only you can see the good in broken things
You took my heart of stone and made it whole
set this prisioner free
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Whatever is in front of me, help me to sing hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Whatever is in front of me, I'll choose to sing hallelujah
Hallelujah
Just remember, don't let satan steal your joy. He tries to get us discouraged and defeated so that we lose focus. Just keep singing!!!!
ReplyDeleteLove ya,
Ma
I love me some Bethany Dillon.
ReplyDeleteLet's skype soon. Like, yesterday.
Hi booo!!! Um, your loyal readers need some stat insight into this big secret! The suspense is just too much - I'm pretty sure Jesus said at some point not to keep your friend named Emily in suspense - I want to be in the know. :) And, I am going to keeeeeep on praying Nehemiah 8:10 for you -- The JOY of the LORD is YOUR STRENGTH! <3 you guys so much!
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