Wounds- still a bit fresh...

I have this friend at bible study whom I just really click with. We don't know each other super well but we just enjoy each other. She's a cute young mom with 2 little kids 3 and 1. Her husband works for google and so they were recently sent over here. They came in August and just received their container of ALL their stuff from the states. That HAS to be cool to be able to get a whole container of stuff. So maybe if you were thinking about applying to work with Google... you SHOULD!

Any hoots, she and I were sharing our prayer requests Monday at the end of bible study and hers was that she and her hubby are wanting to adopt from The Congo so they have started the process and have a lot of questions. I told her what we had been through and that my desire is to help others not to make the same mistakes we made and to help others in whatever way we could. She said she would definitely be taking me up on that offer. So she emailed me yesterday asking about what we did for a certified copy of our passports along with a few other questions. I could not, for the life of me, remember and so i looked around to find our adoption stuff. I hadn't looked at it since early August. I started digging through looking for our certified copies of our passports. I didn't find it immediately and was already discouraged just thinking about what a waste it all was. I looked up at Chris and said "Do you think we'll ever pick this back up again?" Chris: "I sure hope so." And I just started crying and crying. I didn't realize how fresh this all still is. (Yes, I know I'm hormonal- but this was for real.) Though we are beyond thrilled about this pregnancy it doesn't take away from the pain of our little ones sitting in an orphanage somewhere. Lately, during my morning prayer time, I just keep thinking about that ONE orphanage in Rwanda that has the credentials to adopt out orphans and now what is happening to all those babies that are coming in? They aren't being adopted out now so are they just piling up? I CANNOT stand the thought of this. It frustrates me beyond words. I hope this is what drives me to pick this stuff back up... one day... and try it again. I cannot express to you how discouraging it is to me to look back through the adoption papers wondering if we will ever hold those children in our arms. My heart has not healed. It still aches. Of course there is joy too. My joy is in the Lord and I still trust He has purpose for this.

I just didn't realize how fresh the wounds still are...

...and I wonder how and when they'll be healed enough to start back.