"You've got to get yourself together..."

That U2 song has been going through my head ALL day. Seriously. I feel like I am a bit more back together these days. I've officially ripped out every flippin' piece of ivy, every weed, and every ugly thing from my yard, garden, and flower beds. it just felt good, so I did it. I have also painted up a storm. Everything from picture frames, to walls, pots, and self portraits... ok... just kidding about the self portrait. I'm not THAT good. I have sewn curtains, dog beds and planted a zillion flowers. I'm worn out now. It's been rather therapeutic though.

I'm together....

...i think

...i hope

So, Got news for you people. God is still good.

After 2 days of crying I held myself together for an entire week, not allowing myself to cry. Then this song did it for me. The flood gates opened and I just couldn't stop.

How long will this take?
How much can I go through?
My heart, my soul aches
I don't know what to do
I bend but don't break
And somehow I'll get through
'cause I have you

And if I have to crawl
Will you crawl too
I stumble and I fall
Carry me through
The wonder of it all
Is you
See me through

Oh Lord, where are you?
Do not forget me here
I cry in silence
Can you not see my tears?
When all have left me
And hope has disappeared
You find me here

And when I have to crawl
Will you crawl too
I stumble and I fall
Carry me through
The wonder of it all
Is you
See me through

When everything I was is lost
I have forgot where you have not
When I am lost you have not lost me

You have not lost me

And if I have to crawl
Will you crawl too
I stumble and I fall
Carry me through
The wonder of it all
Is you
See me through

This is when God reminded me that it is OKAY to be SAD!! He's sad for me and with me! Its okay to sob my eyes out. It's when one chooses bitterness rather than glorification that makes it wrong. It's when there is never a turn around.

I realized something else that day. I'd been shaking my finger at the wrong one! It's the enemy who is creating this flippin' spiritual battle. He doesn't want us to have a child or rescue one from another life where they may live in misery and/or never hear about Jesus. God's word is very clear about His heart for orphans, so to say that he doesn't want us to adopt would be against his word and he doesn't do that.

So I am strapping on my combat boots right now...